Long Drive Cliffy - Is he the worst player in the world?

Long Drive Cliffy at the 1995 Mongrel Masters hit what many pundits believe is the worst round of golf ever played. Cliffy recorded a ninety four over par 125 to finish dead last on debut and collect the Bradman Award..
 

It goes without saying that no one has ever hit such a score before and it is quite likely no one ever will.
Buddha Yeates who was in Clifiy's group and finished one position on the Leader Board in front of Cliffy, yet 66 strokes ahead said. " It was a pleasure to play with Cliffy. He can play every year, just so long as I never win the Bradman."
 

The morning started out well for Cliffy. He was so excited about playing in his first Mongrel Masters that he could not get to sleep, so he stayed out all night at the Dallies Night Club until 4.30 am. He timed his arrival back home to meet his lift to the course, but had enough sense to grab a beer and some travellers for the journey before departing. From then on, everything went downhill.
Cliffy looked a picture when he arrived at the course. A beer in one hand, unshaven face, unkempt hair and clothing that were soiled, stained and unironed. He had really worked hard on his appearance.
 

Stupidly someone lit a cigarette near Cliffy and the fumes from his mouth ignited singeing his hair. In true Cliffy style he didn't panic. He just had another beer and waited to be called upon to tee off.
 

No one was quite sure about Cliffy when he stepped up to the tee. Many thought that he was a hobo who had just walked off the beach. Clifiy's first shot didn't help dispel this impression when he made an airswing at the ball and fell to the ground. His next shot managed to connect and the ball dribbled two metres off the tee. It was going to be a long round.
 

" Long is probably not the right word. Lets say tedious" was the other member of the group, Steve Scrowles, description of Clifiy's round.
"Cliffy is the first person I have seen take ten shots to get out of a bunker and not lose his temper. He has got to be a Saint with such patience. It would sure as hell annoy the shit out of me" continued Scrowles.

"Cliffy just laughed along with us and didn't seem too perturbed what score he got. He just enjoyed being able to have a beer outdoors and golf just got in the way of having the beer" was Buddha's description of-Cliffy.

Record after record tumbled as Cliffy stumbled around the course. On no occasion did Cliffy break double figures for a hole. His best score was a 10 on the second hole, while his worst was a 27 on the fourth.These scores not only lay testament to Clifiy's lack of golfing mastery, but bear witness to the honesty and character of the man for not altering his score and counting every stroke.
 

Cliffy more than any player typified the spirit of the Mongrel Masters and for this he must be revered.When receiving his Bradman Award, Long Drive Cliffy was asked for his thoughts on the round. He replied, " I was pretty pleased with my round. I find that I play better with a few beers under my belt"
 

I think we will become accustomed to these words each year as Cliffy steps up to collect the Bradman Award, as no one could possibly play worst than him.

Click here for 1996 Results

Click here for the 1996 Mongrel Masters in Photographs
 

Back to Top