Chad's steady climb up the leader board

Enigmatic Chad G Todd continues to defy the pundits with his outright sixth position at the 1996 Mongrel Masters. This is Chad's fourth straight improvement on the Order of Merit and has some of the more fancied players looking over their shoulder.

I am seriously considering withdrawing this year" said the King Bonser.

" I don't think my nerves could handle him. He has that in your face type of game that rattles the shit out of you. Is it any wonder he has crept up the order of merit. ? Chad totally intimidates anyone that has the misfortune to play in his group. My self esteem is low enough as it is. Why should I subject myself to any further degradation by having Chad beat me at this years Masters?"

"How the hell did he get into 6th spot?" was 1995 Masters Champion, Harold P Ouvrier's reaction to seeing Chad's position on the Leader Board. "Chad has a swing that is as ugly as his passport photograph" continued Harold. "I have got no f------g chance of winning back the title now with that c--t in my group."

Chad's response to Harold's stinging comments was short and to the point. " All I can say to Harold is that if he had not been guided by his trouser snake at the Sledge Ball then history might have been kinder to him. I look forward to f-----g his chances this year."

Chad believes he owes his success to god. "Every time I play a bad shot I always say 'Jesus Christ'. I suppose the big fellow up there has heard me say it so many times that he has started to take notice of me and help me on the path to righteousness on the greens. As the good book says 'the meek shall inherit the earth'. I am slowly fulfilling this prophecy at the Mongrel Masters" said Chad.

Some golf writers believe that both Noni's victory and Chad's placing in the 1996 Mongrel Masters are evidence that the playing standards of the event have deteriorated to an all time low.

"Is it possible for a Tournament which has no standards to slide to a depth that is lower than a pregnant ant? Once again the Mongrel Masters has redefined the meaning of ordinary. The only way this event could degrade itself any further would be to allow caddies to play in it." wrote Tom Ramsey the guru of golfing scribes.

Mongrel Masters Director, Harold P Ouvrier, when asked for his response to the sliding standards said " I think that the Tournament is heading in the right direction."

Click here for 1996 Results

Click here for the 1996 Mongrel Masters in Photographs

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