Noni Scanlon - Entrepreneur or Egocentric?

A special report by Chad G. Todd
 

The man behind the Mongrel Masters could certainly not be regarded as a retiring, 'behind the scenes' worker. Noni has always been the driving force behind the Masters, but how is he regarded by his peers? In the lead up to this years tournament Chad Todd wanted to find the answer to this question.
 

All competitors in the Masters have at some stage fallen victim to his acid tongue, either on or off the course. What type of person would formulate the concept of a slanging match within a golf tournament? This question was posed to some of those who have competed in the Masters in the hope of finding out what Noni is really all about.
 

I tracked down Red Colby at his favourite hairdresser in Soho. He had this to say.

"You never know whether to call him a friend or a repetitive competitor. What I mean is, he just loves to either win or have the last say. Once he beats you at anything he's always calling you up wanting to have another game. I’ve been at the end of both his tongue and his golf club and it's not pretty. In answer to your question, I say that he's definitely driven by ego."
 

Juxtaposing Red's comments were Aussie's response. "Noni really has a great love for the game and this shows in his quest to continually improve upon the Mongrel Masters to make it the ultimate golf tournament. I have no doubt that it's his outstanding organisational skills and his wonderful rapport with the players that makes the Mongrel what it is!"
 

Of course little credence should be held to the opinions of Aussie as he is on the record as saying that he thought that both Mssrs Packer and Murdoch are both driven with their love for Rugby League in their fight for control of the game and not for financial benefit.
 

Perhaps the most accurate analogies should come from his old school cronies, Harold P. Ouvrier and The King Bonser. Questioned soon after a night out with Noni, Harold was quick with his response.

"You've got to be f@#$%ing joking? Noni is all ego. No ifs or buts about it! He just wants the chance to compete so he can win and then bucket shit on you. He gets out of control and can't stop."
 

"Harold's right!" added King "Just the other night during dinner, he proposed we put together a "Men of Mongrel "calendar and that we should do it in the nude. His only reason for this is to show us all up as he has tits bigger than his sisters'."
 

Harold then finished his answer amid chuckles.

"Yeah sure he has entrepreneurial skills, but their overshadowed by his gigantic ego."
 

Reigning Mongrel Masters champion, Ramrod Ramsey, describes Noni as a player overly consumed by his own ability.

"Last year we played a game with Spuddy Cruddy Murphy at Riverside Oaks, where Noni managed to arse an ace on the twelfth. For the rest of the round all Spuddy and I were asked was "Have you shot an ace yet? Well I f@#$%ing have." Between that and having to pose for staged photos, Spuddy and I contemplated giving golf away for good. I mean, why should you have to put up with a personality like that? Golf's hard enough to play as it is, without that f$%^wit on your case all the time?"
 

For fear of reprisals, other players were prepared to only give short glib comments about Noni.
 

Buddha Yeates:"A school teacher dropout. What could possibly be lower?"

Johno Johnson. "Midget"

Brendan Quailedog "Shows as much fashion sense as a zebra with a polka dot hide."
 

Rowdy Murray "What were those words you used again?"
 

After numerous hours of interviews and painstaking research I was still unable to deduce a conclusive answer.
 

For those who know Noni, he is certainly an enigma best understood by his mother, Noni the very senior.

"Antony wasn't born with this competitive edge, I'm sure he developed it from playing games with his older brother. I remember when they first played 'Snakes & Ladders' I would here squeals of delight as one of them landed on the ladders. This soon developed into outbursts of 'Why don't you climb the ladder up my arse' and 'throw a three and go down a brown trouser snake, loser'. It wasn't long before Antony began inventing more competitive games where the loser had to do some disgusting act as punishment. One time I thought little Gregory had a bladder problem with the number of times he would frequent the bathroom during a game. That was until I discovered that he was always coming out with his head wet.
I'm sure Antony always means well, but he tackles everything with such zest and ferocity that he has a tendency to get carried away."
 

So, is there a definitive answer to the question whether Noni is an entrepreneur or egocentric?
 

I can only suggest that you be part of the gallery at this years Mongrel Masters and see for yourselves whether it is Noni's organisational skills or his desire to put shit on his mates and win that dominates his psyche.


Click here for 1995 Results

Click here for the 1995 Mongrel Masters in Photographs
 

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