The History of Golf's Fifth Major

The Mongrel Masters golf championship has from humble beginnings developed into one of the great golfing tournaments in the world.
Critics harshly describe the Mongrel Masters as "the world's worst golf tournament with the world's worst golfers " While those that have had the privilege to play in the tournament rate it as the unofficial fifth major championship of golf. The Mongrel Masters is similar in many ways to other golf tournaments, but is so diametrically opposite in other ways. It is the opposites that endears the Masters to the players.

To play in the Mongrel Masters you must be invited by the Board of Directors. A limit of twenty particpants is placed on the event each year making it an exclusive and much sought after invitation. The limit on the field ensures that the tournament is played in the manner and spirit that it was founded with.
In 1990 Noni Scanlon thought that it was time that golf had an event that mirrored the life of the common golfer. An event where a beer could be sipped, a swearword could be dropped and gamesmanship was paramount. From this seed germinated the event known as the Mongrel Masters

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On 31 December 1990 ten people were invited to play in the inaugural tournament at Palm Beach Golf Club. History records that Noni Scanlon, Chad G. Todd, King Bonser, Paulus Tenney and Harold P Ouvrier were to be the only players who bothered to turn up and compete in the first Mongrel Masters golf championship.

At that first tournament was laid the foundations of a great event which would make it so special to those who compete

* A tee off time of 5.30 am to ensure that they got on the course before the public could interfere.
* Beers consumed on the first, third fifth and seventh holes.
* Sledging and verbal abuse hurled at the competitor before, during and after playing his shot.

The inaugural Mongrel Masters was fought out in the group with Paulus Tenney, Noni Scanlon and Chad G.Todd. No one in the group had played with Paulus before, so he was an unknown quantity and was treated with respect.
Paulus started the tournament off in fantastic fashion birdieing the first and paring the second. By the third hole Paulus had opened up a four stroke lead.
 

"I turned to Chad and said to him, 'we have got to do something. This guy will win this'." Said Noni Scanlon."So we devised a two-pronged attack. The first wave consisted of making him scull a few beers, while the second wave was made up of personal abuse and sledging.”

"It worked like a dream" recalled Chad. "His game just fell apart. He was visibly upset with the ferocity and malice of the taunts we made at him."
Paulus had this to say on the matter." I just couldn't get over how big a bunch of arseholes they were to me. I virtually had my hands around the trophy. Those guys sledged and talked me out of it."

What happened to Paulus is history. Once the alcohol and sledging took effect he proceeded to double bogey the fifth, get an eleven on the sixth and so made the greasy slide down the leader board.

By the end of play Paulus had slipped to last place to win the Bradman Award, while Noni Scanlon became a golfing immortal by winning the first Mongrel Masters.

In 1991 the field had grown to eight players. Among the eight was the tournaments first international competitor, Mav Yokohama. Mav had flown in from Japan just to play in the event. What he lacked in golfing ability was made up in golfing attire, as he left the country with the Best Dressed Award.
Once again the Masters was played on 31 December. It was the wettest windiest and coldest day that the Masters would be played on. Yet, eight idiots I braved the elements with the quest of winning the title.

It was at this tournament that the Blue Tweed and Auld Trophy were first presented to the winner. These have now become icons in the golfing fraternity. To 'don the Tweed' is the ultimate aim of every person who has played in the Mongrel Masters.

Rookie Wilko Wilkinson, was to lead after the first two holes. On the third hole he fell victim to the sledging of his competitors and exposed the now famous jelly belly, where he made a triple bogey.

In the group ahead of WiIko, defending Champion, Noni Scanlon, chipped in to birdie the fourth and take a strangle hold on the tournament which no one was to wrestle away from him. He would become the first person to 'don the blue tweed' and the first player to defend his Mongrel Masters title.
1992 saw the field double to 16 players. Every player was determined to stop Noni winning. Some tried just too hard.
 

Rookie, Red Colby, was one of the favourites to stop Noni.
Being one of the snappiest dressers of all the competitors Red was determined to add the Blue Tweed to his wardrobe. He thought the jacket would look great with the polo neck skivvies that he loves to wear.
He was undoubtedly the best prepared, the best dressed and the best groomed of all the competitors. But he lacked two fundamental characteristics, which were to cost him dearly, knowledge of the rules and familiarity of the course.
 

Red was grouped with Johno, Chad and Aussie. Stepping up to the tee on the fourth hole. Red was tied for the lead with Johno. He placed his number two Hot Dot onto his red wooden tee, selected his metal headed, carbonfibre shafted driver, took a deep breath and proceeded to give the ball a good lick. The ball started straight then veered to the left and . Landed on the beach.
Red cursed and swore at his misfortune. He threw his club to the ground, walked over to his bag and wrenched another ball out. He then walked back up to the tee, prepared and addressed the ball for another shot.
 

Much to Red's disgust this ball also had a similar fate to the previous shot, landing onto the beach. Once again Red vented his anger to his misfortune by tossing his driver further than the balls, but with greater slice. Instead of landing on the beach the driver landed in the ocean.

Red then gathered his composure, selected his three iron, grabbed another ball and smacked this one straight down the guts of the fairway. He was 5 off the tee and his chances of Mongrel Masters glory had slipped through his fingers like sand through an hourglass.
 

But here lies the twist to his fate and demonstrates true Mongrel Masters spirit. What Red did not realise was that the beach was a hazard and not out of bounds. Either of his tee shots could have been played from the beach without penalty. Playing partner. Chad, knew this all along yet did not inform him of the rules. He had this comment. "If a guy is stupid enough to want to have another hit, who am I to stop him? Tough shit Red!"
 

It was not until the seventh hole when Red saw Noni Scanlon play his ball from the beach, that Red had discovered how much of a dickhead he had been.
Johno with little opposition from his playing partners then went on to win his first Mongrel Masters and put an end to Noni Scanlon's reign, who was four
shots back in second place.
 

The 1993 Mongrel Masters was to be the most dramatic. After nine holes two players finished equal on 7 over the card to force the first play off in the tournaments history. Ramrod Ramsey sank a 2 metre putt on the last hole to tie with foundation mongrel, Harold P Ouvrier.
 

The first hole was selected as the playoff hole, and a huge crowd assembled around the tee. There was an aura of expectation.
 

The toss of the coin determined that Harold would have the honour.
A hush suddenly came over the gallery as Harold stepped up to the tee. He made two fluent practice swings of the club and addressed the ball. Without further ado he gave the ball an almighty lick. The crowd was in awe of his shot as the ball traveled straight down the centre of the fairway. It was undoubtedly the greatest shot that Harold P. had ever played.
 

Ramrod had it all before him. He had just finished a very taxing and grueling round, having endured enormous amounts of crap and sledges from Noni. Could he still keep his composure?
 

Ramrod seemed agitated and ill at ease with himself as he made his way onto the tee. His trademark crisp fluent swing was now wrinkly and stiff as he made some practice swings.
 

He then addressed the ball, but was distracted by someone in the crowd causing him to walk away from his ball. Finally after some deep breathes, he regained his composure, stepped up to the ball and gave it a whack. Contact between club and ball were not perfect. The ball sailed high into the air, landing fortuitously in the middle of the fairway, but some distance behind Harold P's.
Having the shortest drive gave Ramrod the opportunity to set the agenda for the hole and hopefully the title. Without much preparation he addressed the ball and hit it stone dead at the pin. The ball landed just 3m from the hole. It was the shot of a Champion.
 

At that moment Harold P.'s posture seemed to slump. He was showing signs of altitude sickness. His breathing became deep and erratic, while his skin was turning blue. He had reached a height in his life that he had never experienced before. The rarified atmosphere was causing him to choke.
 

Harold addressed the ball and held the club like someone squeezing the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube. He gripped it so tight that it caused his knuckles to go white. He then swung at the ball with the style and grace of an axe murderer. The ball shot off the blade of the club with its right indicator on. It was heading for the fence and out of bounds. Nothing was going to stop it from its fate, not even the spectators as they leaped to the ground for fear of being mown down by the ball as it whistled past them.
 

Those that were present had witnessed one of the all time greatest chokes. Harold P. had handed the 1994 Mongrel Masters title on a silver platter to Ramrod Ramsey. He became the first Champion to ever don the blue tweed and have it fit him.
 

The 1994 Mongrel Masters was also won in dramatic circumstances.
With a record field teeing up for the event and the Sports Tonight television cameras recording the drama as it unfolded on the course. Ramrod Ramsey successfully defended his title.
 

Having been three strokes behind the lead with three holes to play. Ramrod sunk a 20 metre putt from off the ninth green to make bird and defeat rookie Robo Johnstone by one stroke.
 

In winning his second successive Masters, Ramrod carded the lowest score ever in the history of the tournament with a two over par 34.
Ramrod will be flying back from London to defend his title and many believe he will be hard to stop at this year Mongrel Masters.
 

There has never been a dull moment at the Mongrel Masters golf championship and this year will be no exception.
 

Enjoy the championship. There is certain to be plenty of drama.


Click here for 1995 Results

Click here for the 1995 Mongrel Masters in Photographs
 

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