Harold Ouvrier the Master

In what many commentators have described as the dirtiest and filthiest tournament in the events history, Harold P Ouvrier brushed aside any doubts that he was a choker to win the 1995 Mongrel Masters
 

"It was war out there. No prisoners were taken and no favours were asked." Was runner up. Doormat McKoewn’s, summation of the days play.
" That would have to be the greatest assembly of c#*@s to have ever played in the Masters. If there isn't a collective noun for c#*@s, after today's round, you would use the term a ‘mongrel of c#*@s’ to describe our group" was Noni Scanlon's response.

Ramrod Ramsey, at the end of his round was not sure whether to cry or shout with glee. "Thank God that is over. I have never been subjected to such personal ridicule and outlandish behaviour. It just went too far. Someone is going to get hurt out there."

So what went on in the final group of the 1995 Mongrel Masters? Why were two former Mongrel Masters Champions, who you would think could cut the mustard, so distraught? How did Harold P Ouvrier, the perennial bridesmaid, finally become the bride?

It was course management that gave Harold P Ouvrier the title. Harold was simply smarter when it counted out on the course. Noni, Ramrod and Doormat were totally. Harold brushed aside any doubts that he was a choker to win the 1995 Mongrel Masters.
 

Predictable in their approach to the Masters. It was this predictability that handed the title over to Harold P. on a silver platter.
"Self control was the key" said Harold.
"I knew that it would be foolish for me to try and take Ramrod and Noni head on at their style of game. Sledging and playing the man is not my style.
"I was not sure how Doormat was going to react. So I took the punt that he would go after the other two once they started gnawing at him and leave me alone to get a head start on the Leader Board."
This plan worked like a dream for Harold.
 

Defending Champion Ramrod Ramsey was never in contention from his first tee shot. In the locker room Ramrod stupidly confided in Noni that he had broken his engagement with his fiancé Karen the previous night.
"Ramrod was pretty cut up about it" said Noni " He asked me to keep it quiet as he was just coming to terms with the decision."
" I felt sorry for him. I thought that by reassuring Ramrod just before he made his first tee shot would help him. I thought I was consoling him by saying that even though his life was in tatters and that he had wasted twelve months of his life with Karen, I had every confidence in his ability to shut that from his mind and to go on and win the tournament.

"How was I to know that Ramrod would react to this by hooking his tee shot out of bounds and score a quadruple bogey on that hole?" said Noni.
Noni had no idea how his comments would lead to an open declaration of nuclear warfare out on the course. The likes of which had never been witnessed at the Masters before. Noni had now played into Harold's hands and there was no turning back.

Noni, Ramrod and Doormat proceeded to lacerate each other with their tongue and inflict heavy losses on their ability to shoot low scores.
Meanwhile, Harold P Ouvrier, with his position of neutrality in the war going on around him, raced away with the lead.

By the fifth hole, after four consecutive pars, Harold was one over the card, with a single stroke lead over the "marshmallow man" Wilko Wilkinson.
Ramrod's and Noni's chances had become casualties of the war. In contrast. Doormat had started to rise like the phoenix from the ashes, with two pars in a row to be three strokes off the pace.
 

At the sixth tee the Mongrel Masters dived to a depth never thought possible.
It was as if an alarm had suddenly gone off in the minds of the three players in the group who had been savaging each other.
 

Suddenly they realised how foolish they had been in allowing Harold to get away from them. They would now team up, like a pack of bloodthirsty wolves, and set themselves onto the poor defenseless lamb. If Harold was to become the new Mongrel Masters Champion, he sure as hell was going to earn it.
Harold for the first time in the tournament was blasted with salvos from three fronts. A pincer attack was set upon him. The ferocity of these blasts shook Harold forcing him to mishit his tee shot on the sixth. Resulting in the ball only traveling 50 metres.
 

Harold for that moment forgot his game plan and proceeded to sledge Doormat, with little effect. He then composed himself and left Ramrod alone.

Noni, however, did not leave Ramrod alone. He continued to goad Ramrod , forcing him to shank his drive. This proved to be the straw that broke the camels back and led to the ugliest scene ever witnessed at the Masters.
Accounts differ, however, Noni alleges that while he was in his down swing of his tee shot. Ramrod Ramsey hit him over the head with his driver. This caused Noni to hook his drive out of bounds. Needless to say Noni was incensed with Ramrod's actions and protested profusely to the other members of the group. This fell upon deaf ears, with them denying seeing Ramrod attack Noni with the club.
 

For the first time ever, Noni totally lost his composure and shook with anger at not only Ramrod, but also with Harold and Doormat who insisted that Noni play his third shot from the tee.
"I totally lost it out there" Noni recalls. "I will never forget what those pricks did and I will never forgive them. You can tell those bastards I am coming to get them."
 

The scars from this incident run deep and makes you wonder what the hell will happen at the 1996 Masters? Homicide? Lets hope some semblance of respectability gets back in the tournament.
 

The mayhem that broke loose affected Harold's composure causing him to score a triple bogey on the sixth. In contrast this ball and hit his shot. It started out straight, but with a tail on it headed left landing in the rough just short of the out of bounds pegs.
 

Doormat's response to Harold's tee shot was not awe inspiring, hitting into the right rough. Having the longer shot. Doormat played a magnificent approach shot onto the green, just ten metres from the pin.The pressure was placed squarely upon Harold's shoulders. Images of his shank in the play-off against Ramrod in 1993 surely ran through his mind as he stepped up to play his second shot.
 

Harold then selected his seven iron and showing no signs of nerves smacked the perfect shot to reach the green in two and virtually shut out any chance Doormat had of snatching victory.
 

Having the furthest putt. Doormat hit his third shot within six inches for a tap in par four, just adding a little twist to Harold's chances of victory. Harold could afford to three putt from less than 9 metres for the Championship.
He stepped over the ball and hit a less than convincing putt that travelled only five metres. A gasp came over the gallery as Harold grimaced at his pitiful attempt.
 

Harold then hit his fourth shot. Once again the putt was on line but still a half metre short of the hole. The two stroke lead that Harold had at the start of the hole had now dwindled to one. Many in the crowd started to wonder whether the cold steely iceman that they had been following at the previous holes was now starting to vaporise in front of them.
 

But any thoughts of a play-off quickly vanished as Harold sank his next putt to become the fourth person to don the Blue Tweed and lift the auld trophy as the Mongrel Masters Champion for 1995.





Click here for 1995 Results

Click here for the 1995 Mongrel Masters in Photographs
 

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